Wow! I’ll have you know that this is the most exciting and scariest moment in my life!
I am pushing past my fears and doing what god is pulling me to do, so bare with me as I gain the confidence in my writing and telling my story. I don’t know what I am doing but I am being lead by my God. My grammar sucks but as I am writing this I am also learning. Because I have been afraid for so long to do this due to the fact that I know I suck at writing but I shouldn’t hold on to my testimony, when I know that it can help others. I am the type of person if I found a sale on something I would spread the word in hopes you would find it, and get the deal. I see my testimony in the same way. If I can tell you how good God has been good to me in spite of all that I have been through it may help you or someone you know with your journey on faith. Hold on now! It gets good and you will eventually look past the running sentences and as well as the missed spelled words. God has been pulling me in this direction but because of self doubt, low self-esteem, stubbornness, pain and disappointments, I have ignored the calling. Who am I and why do I believe my story is significant or impactfully enough to tell the world? I am Sandra Monroe born 9/11/1985 in west palm beach Florida. Married with and have three amazing children, three brothers and one sister, and a boat load of cousins whom I have a called my brothers and sisters. A weird induvial who don’t fit in but I have tried my hardest to do so. God created me with many talents but I haven’t had the confidence to capitalize on them or completely under sold myself. I always second guess myself and half the time I believe the negative before the positive. Whew child that was tough to write but in all of that I am learning that it take one day at a time, because everyday I along with God have peeled back each layer and have been dealing with those issues. A mentor, a great cooker (as what my children would say), lover, motivator, believer that Christ died on the cross for my sins. a writer, I love to read and Dance (especially to Kompa). Yellow is my favorite and I love Children and making them smile. I give long warm hugs and my jokes are funny! lover of fashion and I have a thing for romantic comedies ( I really love them) And I LOVE BEING A BLACK HAITIAN AMERICAN WOMEN!
By the age of 11 I’v lost both my mother and father. My father pasted when I was 5 years old and my mother when I was 11 years old. I don’t have much memories of my father or should I say much memories that are accurate. So many stories that I have said and that have been said by others to fill in the gaps of a story with many holes, that I don’t know what is real or what was a lie. There are several facts that I do know about him that I have heard all my life from several different sources that have never changed. Those facts are the root and core of many of my issues today. My parents were born and raised in Haiti. Not sure at what age they came to America. That being said, it explains some the issues at hand. Island folk do not tell their business especially to their children simply because of pride. So many unanswered questions that I have that may never get an answer to. I have been told many times that my father was a big time drug dealer in West Palm Beach in the 90s and he was a Man with many women, six to be exact, along with my mother ho he married in Haiti. I was reminded of this whenever I was in palm beach running into a friend of the family, a family member or just someone who admired him. None of which I knew or remembered but these people knew me and my family very well. From what I heard and the little I remembered my father spoiled me rotten. Because of his lifestyle we were always on the go. A lot of the little memories I have of him was in a car or going to a car. I always wondered why being displaced so many times didn’t bother me much through out my childhood. I know now. At the age of 32 is when I heard the story of my parents on how they met, how I came along and the death of my father. I received a lot answers to questions I never even thought of. That is only because of what I encountered in my own marriage. Had I not gone through what I went through in my own marriage I would have never dug so deep to find out why I felt the way I felt, why I had some many insecurities why I married the man I married. This blog is my personal journey to the many bumps in the road, road blocks, mental, physical, emotional abuse, betrayal, love, death and most importantly the grace of God. My journey may seem familiar to you or someone you know. I don’t know where this is going or what it will lead to I am simply obeying the pulling and calling of God.
I hope we can grow together and learn from each other. I by far am not perfect and I have many flaws but in all of what I have been through, I have seen the glory of God, his grace and mercy. I have felt his presence I heard his voice. Even when I want to rebel or when it hurts, God reminds me why he choose me for this assignment. I have asked God serval times is he sure and can I see the Sandra he has so much confidence in. I want to see her in his perspective. I am learning to love who I am as much as I love everyone around me. I am a giver and I love with everything in me. I want to be able to see god and here him say Daughter, you have made me proud. Thank you for your time and patience. Know that I am scared out of my mind but I am also excited. At peace in knowing if no one read this, if two people read this, it is well in the eyes of the lord because was obedient to what he has told me to do and will wait on the lords instructions. What you will walk away with after reading my blog is, hope, ideas, the will of God, encouragement, and motivation. I tell my kids all the time to never give up. This is my story on how I never gave up. It wasn’t by accident that you clicked to read this. I will continue to ask god to allow it to be his words, let me write it the way he gave it to me.
Stay tune! I love you and God Loves You!